I put the kids down for their afternoon naps, started a load of laundry and turned on an episode of Grey's Anatomy I hadn't yet watched. The clean laundry basket sat across me on the other couch and I promised myself I would fold it before the show ended. I just needed to sit for a few minutes and veg out. What mom can't understand that feeling? How about the simultaneous feeling of guilt for not utilizing every possible minute to be productive? Before I realized it, the show was over. There sat the laundry basket. And now my son, who never fell asleep for his nap, was crying. I walk towards his room when I hear my daughter start crying too, only 45 minutes into her nap. Great. First come first serve, so I go into his room first. To get there I have to pass the laundry/mud room. The water all over the floor indicated that the water from the load of laundry flooded. Yes, flooded. I threw a couple towels down and just kept going because, honestly, what can I do about it with 2 babies crying?! The whole time I'm rocking Evan I'm getting increasingly frustrated because I just keep thinking about all that water on the floor and certainly by now, soaking into the subfloor, which we just replaced last year due to the exact same issue. I'm sure I don't have to tell any mom how easily stressful situations quickly translate into bad parenting. I am no exception. My poor attitude led me to get frustrated with him for not sleeping and sternly telling him to do so. Like that's gonna work. I left his room to find Katelyn screaming her head off. I pull her out of bed, all mad and muttering my irritations out loud, and start to rock her. Thankfully, she fell right back to sleep. Finally, a break. I throw a few more towels on the floor and head over to that laundry pile with complete determination to get it done.
It's amazing how not accomplishing a task you set out to do makes you feel so inadequate, lazy, and unproductive. It's equally amazing how those times are so telling about the inner condition of your heart. I'm actually finishing this post long after this incident because, well I'm sure I've been busy being a stay-at-home mom and all that comes with it. And at this point in time, I don't even remember what my point of this story was going to be. But, I re-read everything I wrote here and immediately felt the need to tell my past self that even though I don't always handle situations with complete grace, what I can do is have grace towards myself and those around me. Because, if God can have grace towards me for all that I don't do right, and I'm supposed to follow His lead in my life, then out of obedience I MUST have grace with myself. I will always try to do better. Always because my God, husband and children deserve that from me. But, I know that each time I fail is an opportunity to experience God's redemptive and cleansing power. And each time I succeed, is an opportunity to experience praise Him for making that success possible.
Here's to many successes, many failures and many chances to experience grace and it's redemptive power through each!
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